• Connexted Writer

Why you want a feminist man

Updated: Mar 31

By Tania Moleko




I have recently come to accept that I am a feminist. I don’t know when and how this happened so please don’t ask me. In the past I would get very upset with anyone who dared to even insinuate in the slightest that I was one.

The problem I had with being called a feminist is the assumption I often came across that feminists are man haters and or they had an inherent desire to behave or be like men.”

The problem I had with being called a feminist is the assumption I often came across that feminists are man haters and or they had an inherent desire to behave or be like men. I had a big issue with this because I have never been any of the above. In fact I am the total opposite. I love men. I love their masculine ruggedness. I love their physical strength because it means that I don’t have to carry that heavy box for myself. I love the prickle of the stubble on their chin and the roughness of their skin in comparison to the softness of mine. I also love being a woman. I love that women have the complexity of being emotionally strong and sometimes just being plain emotional. I love that women have the ability to endure childbirth and yet they can break down when they break a fingernail. I love that women possess amazing resilience sensually wrapped up in the femininity of womanhood. I love the alluring prowess women have. I love high heeled shoes, pencil skirts and frilly blouses.

With that said we should all be proudly feminist women who want to be with a feminist man. I don’t want to be equal to any man. I want my substance as a person to determine my value. I don’t want to go 50/50 with any man I am in a relationship with. I want a partnership that works for us both, a partnership that is not determined by social stereotypes or dogma. We should resent and reject that a woman’s worth as a wife is sometimes determined by her ability or willingness to do house chores. Although I can cook and clean like any other woman I resent that it is made our duty. Just like you, the man, I would rather be reading, writing, exploring technology or watching soccer on television than doing laundry. It must be understood that I don’t want to be treated like a man because I am not one. Two things that are different simply cannot be regarded the same. No. I want to be treated like the Empress I am but I want the same respect and opportunity given to a man should I want it.

A feminist man advocates social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. He is supportive of a feminist woman. A feminist man understands that a feminist woman is just a woman who refuses to be short-changed by the world just because she was born a woman. He is not intimidated by your ambition and earning potential. A feminist man never expects you to dim down your intellect so not to outshine him. Your conversation feeds his mind and spirit more than a home cooked plate of food. He relishes your intellectual sparring with him. Like iron sharpens iron your success makes him strive for his. He doesn’t entertain the notion that showing his vulnerabilities to you is emasculating. His masculinity is so deeply rooted within him that it is protected from the world’s damaging effects. He doesn’t need a woman to stroke his ego for him to feel like a man. A feminist man would look at you in your feminist glory and see that with you he can build an empire.

Most of all I want a feminist man who will be content with knowing that the only thing I have a duty to do is him.

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